And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
