Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
