I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
