I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
