i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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