He uses pillows to masturbate.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
