Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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