It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
