You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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