Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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