You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
