We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
