I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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