i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
