addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
