He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
