I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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