My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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