they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
