i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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