Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
