Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
