everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
