I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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