You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
