your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
