It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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