I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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