were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
