with your own penis?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
