this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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