I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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