i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
