Your mouth is God's brothel.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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