just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
