I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
