i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
