He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
