Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
