It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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