I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
