yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
