How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
