My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
