I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
