Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
