he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
