He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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