You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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