theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
