Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
