i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
