My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
