you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
