i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
