he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
