when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
