There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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